


Coffeeshop SAGA

by Masterweaver



Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Shops, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-08 06:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17975867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterweaver/pseuds/Masterweaver
Summary: "You know," Sakura mused, "one of the most common kinds of fanfiction out there is the coffee shop AU."Ai gave her an incredulous look. "Are you saying we're in a fanfiction?""What? Of course not, that would be ridiculous!"





	Coffeeshop SAGA

Sakura had experienced many things in her life...

...well, alright, she couldn't remember any of them at the moment, but she was certain she'd experienced many things. Some things. Some unusual things. The point was, she was currently a zombie risen for the deliberate purpose of saving Saga, and all the other zombies were legendary for some reason (excluding Tae, who was apparently just 'legendary'), so it made sense that she had to have some unusual experience at some point. Unless she was just picked at random to fill a roster of some sort...

Alright, starting over: Sakura had experienced one terrifying and unusual thing that she could remember, that being waking up as a zombie in a house full of zombies and helping a crazy man wake the rest up with the power of death metal, of all things. She had thought, rather reasonably, that would be the cap of weirdness. And to be fair, it was the cap of... well, outright strange nonsense.

Still... as she stood in front of glass doors, she came to realize that the defining aspect of weirdness was not supernatural insanity, but being out of sync with the surrounding situation.

"We're... going to run a coffee shop?" she asked.

"Of course," Kotaro said firmly. "Who better than zombies to serve zombies?"

"I just thought, you know... you picked idols and entertainers to raise from the dead. Shouldn't we be an idol group?"

"Ooooh, shouldn't we be an idol group?" Kotaro mimicked. "Well gee, let me just call up my list of contacts and arrange a show for you, even though nobody knows about  _half_  of you and the rest are considered  _long dead!_  I'm sure that will go over  **wonderfully!"**

Sakura squeaked, pulling back when he shoved his face at hers.

"Saving Saga requires funding, and being an idol is a fickle business. Whatever else I tell you to do, you need to know that this here is going to be how we keep afloat between gigs. So turn around, put on your aprons, AND START GRINDING THOSE BEANS YOU DUMBASS ZOMBIE!"

"Y-Yessir!" Sakura squeaked, spinning around to pull the door open...

...and ending up accidentally tearing her arm off her shoulder.

"...You need to unlock it first," Kotaro helpfully pointed out.

"Um." Sakura looked around. "Who has the key?"

"Ah." Yugiri held up a glinting object. "I have it right--"

Tae lunged at the object, tearing it away with a growl.

"Tae-chan!" Saki rushed to her, reaching out her remaining arm. "Come on, give us the key!"

"Rrrrga!" Tae sprinted behind Junko (eliciting a shriek) and bit down on metal object. Hard.

"Come on--" Sakura reached out, grabbing the tip. "Tae-chan, let--GO!"

With great effort she managed to wrench the tiny metal object out of Tae's mouth, holding it up with a triumphant shout.

"It's busted."

"Eh?"

"It's busted," Lily repeated. "The key, I mean. It's all twisted up, it won't work anymore."

Sakura lowered the key, blinking at it. "Oh. So it is."

Her eyes went to her arm, still dangling from the door handle, and then to Kotaro, who was giving her a distinctly unamused look.

"So... What do we do?"

Saki rolled her eyes, rolled up her sleeves, and thrust her shoulder through the door. She stepped over the shattered glass, turned around, and unlocked the door with exaggerated precision.

Ai gripped her brow with an exasperated groan. "Really?"

"We can... we can work with this!" Sakura said, taking her lost arm and reattaching it. "Um... Saki-chan? Could you clear out the rest of the glass from the door and sweep it up?"

"Why should I?"

"Because you're the one who broke it," Ai pointed out.

"And Tae's the one who broke the key," Saki countered. "She should clean it up."

Tae looked up at her mention. "Graaa?"

Sakura sighed. "Fine. You knock out the rest of the glass, and I will sweep it all up. Yugiri-chan, Lily-chan, can you go find... a big piece of cardboard and some tape? We want to cover this hole as soon as possible. Ai-chan, Junko-chan... um... do either of you know how to work coffee... stuff?"

Ai shrugged. "I think I can figure it out with some experimentation. Or we could look for an instruction manual."

"Where would we find cardboard?" Lily asked.

"Well, um..." Junko looked into the building. "There are probably boxes in the back that have bags of beans... or other things. Empty one or two of those?"

"That sounds like a fair place to start," Yugiri noted, leading Lily behind the counter. "Perhaps we should decorate our door covering?"

"Hey yeah! That could be fun, and give us a homey sort of feel if the artwork is done right." Lily rubbed her chin. "Blacks and browns, maybe a hint of green--no, not green. Grey blue? Yeah..."

Sakura smiled. "That would work great! If, um... if we have art supplies, that is." She turned to Kotaro. " _Do_  we have art supplies?"

"Yes, actually. It's the only way I can make you zombies pass for human." Kotaro leaned aside, looking behind her. "You may want to clean up that glass before Tae eats it all."

"Huh--? TAE-CHAN!" Sakura grabbed the larger zombie, dragging her over to one of the chairs. "We do not,  _enf_ , eat the glass!"

"Raragrrrr!"

"No, no matter how sparkly it is!" She struggled to hold back the bedazzled corpse. "Saki-chan, can you clean that up?"

"No."

"Then can you get over here and watch Tae!?"

"Why should I?"

Sakura groaned as Tae bit down on her head. "Nikaido Saki, get your stupid biker butt over here and watch the ravenous zombie so I can clean up all that glass! We don't want anybody getting hurt!"

"But we're zombies," Junko pointed out. "A little glass is nothing. Not compared to..."

She trailed off, rubbing her stiches awkwardly. Ai put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"This is a coffee shop! We'll have customers!" Sakura bit her lip. "Eventually, anyway. Look, my point is I can't hold Tae and clean up the glass at the same time, so somebody needs to do one of those things, and Saki's just standing there doing nothing!"

"Fine!" Saki stormed over, grabbing Tae. "I'll watch the stupid zombie!"

Sakura backed off, took a huff of breath, and smiled. "Thank you, Saki-chan."

"Just sweep up the damn glass."

Kotaro sighed slowly. "Just for a few days," he muttered to himself. "A few days of this, and then things can get back on schedule."

"Um, Kotaro-san, we'll need a new key," Sakura reminded him. "Since the one we had is broken and all."

"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT YOU STUPID ZOMBIE?! Stop bothering me with things I already know and get to work setting this place up!"


End file.
